Back in the saddle again...

After a hellish week. It's time to get back on track. Today, I woke up and put on my workout clothes. I didn't work out right away because there were things I had to take care of first (get dinner in the crock pot, make a grocery list etc.), but I wanted that reminder that today was a workout day. I had two unscheduled days of rest this week, and I didn't want to get lazy. They say that it takes 3 weeks for something to become a habit. I suspect that it takes a lot less time to get out of that habit! So, I ran 3.1 miles today, and it felt great. I was energized all day, ready to take on the world. I needed it. After the week that I had, it helped relieve a lot of stress too.

Eating went well today. I had a lot of protein, and I tried new dishes for both lunch and dinner. Keeping things fresh and exciting is what this new lifestyle is all about! I can't eat the same things over and over and expect to stay on plan. I am more likely to stray if I'm bored. It's amazing how you can learn these little things about yourself as time goes on--little triggers that can set you back on your weight loss journey.

B-oatmeal, 4tsp splenda, cinnamon
S-WW smoothie, orange
L-boca chili, salad
S-unsweetened applesauce, almonds
D-chicken curry, brown rice, spinach
S-WW cookies and cream bar, grapes

Target points 31
Actual points 32
Water 136 oz
Activity training run 3.1 miles (5 AP's)

Ahh the sollitude...

My parents have taken the kids overnight tonight, my DH is working. I have the whole house to myself for the first time since we moved here 18 months ago! It's so nice. I took a bath, and although there is TONS of stuff I need to do in the house (several loads of laundry, picking up, etc.), I am not going to do them. I also took an extra DOR today because I was just drained. I knew I wasn't going to give my all to the workout. So, I will just be today. Tomorrow, it will be back to business as usual.

Eating was ok today. I was busy with the kids earlier, so it was hard to get regular meals/snacks in, but overall I did ok.

B-WW smoothie, oatmeal, skim milk
S-orange, almonds
L-Morningstar Farms spicy black bean veggie burger (YUMMY), salad, soy crisps
S-unsweetened applesauce,
D-chicken and stuffing, salad
S-vitabrownie

Target points-31
Actual points-31
Water-120 oz
Activity-DOR

TGIF!

The week is OVER! Thank goodness. I am so exhausted. I can't wait for the weekend. I am just going to hibernate. At least I got dinner tonight. Surprisingly, I wasn't starving all day today since I was so low on points yesterday.

Well, I did talk to my coworker that hurt my feelings earlier in the week (referred to in post "You can't win sometimes"). She apologized for hurting my feelings, but says that she was trying to give me a compliment because she thought that I looked good. I think it was just lip service, but I am still glad that I talked to her about it, so she knows how I feel. I think that's going to be just as important for me as the weight loss process itself. I don't want to keep things inside that are bothering me. That was a source of my stress-eating. And since I am not doing that anymore, I am not going to hold on to those toxic feelings either. If I don't feel it's worth it to confront the person, then it's also not worth it to hold onto those feelings. So, I'll just either have to confront the person or let it go. Holding it in is no longer an option. Let's see how this works!


B-WW smoothie, skim milk
S-grapes
L-ww pita, deli sliced ham, laughing cow cheese, salad
S-yogurt, kashi go lean crunch
S-orange
D-chicken breast, stuffing, mixed veggies
S-almonds

Target points-31
Actual points-32
Water-120 oz
Activity-unscheduled day of rest

Sleep Wins...again

I'm even too exhuasted to post this really. My night was horrible last night, and I just haven't been able to recover. Today was more of the same. I haven't got my points in, but I am just too tired to even make myself some dinner. I am going to go to bed knowing that I've got lots of points left over, but if I don't go to sleep, I'm never going to be able to survive at work tomorrow. No epiphanies, no big "aha" moments today...just fatigue.

b-ww smoothie, skim milk
s-grapes
l-whole wheat pita, deli sliced ham, laughing cow cheese, salad
s-yogurt, kashi go lean crunch
s-orange, fiber one
d-none

target points 31
actual points 22
water 120 oz
activity none

The life of a mom...

It's late, I'm exhausted, and I know that I will be up in a couple of hours to feed the baby. I didn't get home from work until almost 10 pm. When I got home, I ate dinner quickly, and then had to make sure that the kids were ok. DH got them down ok, so that was good. I hop in the shower, and then try to get things ready for tomorrow. All of a sudden, I hear crying from my son's room. I rush in there to see what happened because that's odd (usually once he's out, he's out). Well, he threw up all of himself and his bed, and I think it really frightened him. So, I have to change him out of his pj's, throw him in the tub for another bath, strip his bed, put on new sheets, and then try to get him to go back to sleep again. Ok, well things happen. By this time, I am just ready to fall out, so I slip into bed, close my eyes, drift off to sleep, and BAM, the baby cries. I knew it was going to happen, but if I stayed up, she would have stayed asleep. Needless to say, I can not WAIT until Friday. I just don't have anything left to give this week. I hate when I am this tired because it really does nobody any good. Let's just hope tomorrow's a better day.

B-WW smoothie, skim milk
S-didn't get one
L-ham and laughing cow cheese on whole wheat pita, salad. grapes
S-yogurt, fiber one
S-orange, vanilla puff cereal
D-beef and penne bake, steamed green beans

target points 31
actual points 29
activity DOR
water 130 oz

You can't win sometimes...

I tell you. You just can't win sometimes. People are going to have something to say no matter what obviously. I wore a dress today that was too big, but it was a form fitting dress so it still showed a bit of curve even though I needed a smaller size. I thought it would be perfect for work because of that, so I wore it today. Well, one of the receptionists made the comment when she first saw me that I was showing "a lot of leg" (the dress came to below my knees). Then after she saw me without my jacket, she says this: "you know, you ARE a mother of two, so just because you're losing weight doesn't mean you should be dressing so sexy". SEXY! Oh my goodness, she's so off base. When she said this, the people who were around (yes, she said this with a ton of people standing around) immediately jumped to my defense. I was just blown away. It hurt at first and then I just got mad. She has some nerve. It just made me realize that you can't do this for anyone but yourself. You can't please everyone, so you just have to make sure that you're pleasing yourself! So, why does it still hurt for people to say these negative things to me. I need some thicker skin!

On a lighter note though. I got out of my funk. I was so low yesterday, I couldn't believe it. I needed a swift kick in the behind to get out of it. I got that last night along with some good advice from a fellow Phit-N-Phat (thanks, Trish!). So, I hopped on the treadmill this morning and just kept going until I couldn't go any more. I jogged for 3 miles (I did have one 5 minute fast walk), and I just feel so much better. I just needed to know that it was possible. Now, I think I can relax a bit and just continue to train. No weights this week, just cardio.

B-oatmeal, skim milk
S-protein shake (21 g protein)
L-salad, ham and cheese on whole wheat pita
S-yogurt, kashi go lean crunch, grapes
D-beef and penne bake, steamed green beans, salad
S-orange, almonds

Target points-31
Actual points-34
Activity-training run (5 AP's)
Water-130 oz

In a funk...

It's not a good day for me today. I am in a funk. I am so scared about this race. I mean I know that it's not the end of the world not to be able to finish a 5k, but that was my entire goal. It's one of the big things that got me started on this journey. I am feeling really defeated right now. I was going to try to get outside and do some jogging again since I did so poorly yesterday, but I was so sore, I figured that was my body telling me that I needed a rest.
And to top it off, this is the week where I work everyday, and it just gets my entire schedule off. I am in a foul mood because of that, and I can't even stand being around myself! I promised myself that I was not going to revert back to my old ways and "feed" this bad mood. I am going to find other ways to deal with my feelings besides eat. That's why I am participating in this pity party right now. I figure that if I just get it all out, it's done, and I won't let it eat at me anymore, thus not causing me to eat. I just hope it works. I am going to outline my menu now, so I won't eat anything else.

B-WW smoothie, skim milk
S-grapes
L-salad (oo and vinegar), deli ham, whole wheat pita, laughing cow cheese, orange
S-yogurt, puffed wheat cereal
D-beef and penne bake, salad (oo and vinegar), steamed green beans
S-94% ff popcorn, almonds

Target points-31
Actual points-33
Activity-DOR
Water-120 oz

Reality HITS...hard!

It was a beautiful day today. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and DH was actually home. So, I decided to go outside and run. It was my first time since training for this 5k (which is in exactly 3 weeks from today) to run outside. So, I was pumped, this was it. This is the test that is going to let me know if I am going to be ready for my race...the goal that I have been working towards since the first of the year. The goal that got me exercising in the first place.

So, it's to the streets I go. I've gotten the distance all measured out. All I have to do is do it. But, it was HARD! I didn't run even 1 mile before I had to stop. I only ran 1/2 mile. It was so sad. I had to walk, so I run/walked for almost 4 miles during the hour that was supposed to be my cardio only day. Now I am terrified that I won't be ready for the race. I have to get my butt in gear over these next few weeks. Maybe I didn't carbo load enough before hand. I also had a heavy leg workout yesterday, but I am not going to make excuses. I just need to get myself prepared. I am just glad to be able to get this out because it's been eating at me all day. I was supposed to have a rest from weights for this upcoming week, and I think that I will do it to work on my distance. *sigh* Let's hope for tons of adrenaline come race day!

B-WW smoothie, skim milk
S-oatmeal, skim milk
L-tuna, whole wheat WW pita, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, grapes
S-orange, almonds
D-beef and whole wheat penne bake (c0re), salad, steamed green beans
S-yogurt, fruit salad

Target points-31
Actual points-35
Water-140 oz
Activity-3.75 mi walk/run (6 AP's)

Mommy, can I have some salad?

My son. He's the worst vegetable eater known to man. We hide it, disguise it, rename, try all kinds of tricks to get him to eat them, but he gets around it every time. It never ceases to amaze me. So, imagine my surprise when he comes up to me tonight and asks, "Mommy, are you eating salad again? Can I have some?". I was flabbergasted. But more importantly, I was elated. I got him to try some before he could change his mind. He ate a little bit, but then went back to his chicken and rice. It's a start. Hopefully, the more he sees me enjoy my fresh veggies, the more interested he will be in trying them. And nothing will please me more!

B-ww smothie, skim milk, grapes
S-1/2 cup egg beaters, canola oil (1 tsp), 2T salsa
L-SBD 4 cheese pizza, salad
S-orange, yogurt, fiber one
D-chicken, black beans, 1/2 cup brown rice, salad
S-almonds, applesauce

Target points-31
Acutal points-35
Activity-legs and cardio (4 AP's)
Water-140 oz

The mind is an amazing thing...

I had been doing the couch to five 5k running plan (http://www.coolrunning.com), and moving along swimmingly. Then something happened in week nine...I hit a wall! It was awful. For the last 2 weeks, I have been struggling to get to even the smallest distance on my runs. I was pooping out before 1 mile. I knew I had run further than that. I knew I was capable of it, but I just couldn't convince my mind of that. I am training for a 5k in May, so I don't have a lot of time, and this was making me very nervous.

But something happened today. I don't know what it was. I just got on the treadmill and went. I zoned out for a bit, and before I knew it, I was a mile and a half into my run. It felt so good to run like that again. So, now, I can go back to adding distance. I feel so relieved. It's just amazing to me what your mind can do to you. It's also amazing that sometimes the best thing to do is to take your mind out of the game and just be. Sounds cheesy to me, but it's true. I just had to remove my brain from the equation, and things started to click. I'm over the wall!

B-quaker oatmeal, skim milk
S-EAS shake, almonds, orange
L-salsa chicken, brown rice, salad
S-dannon light & fit, fiber one
D-boca burger with ketchup and relish, soy crisps, salad
S-94% ff popcorn, grapes

Target points-31
Actual points-36
Activity-run and abs/core day (6 AP's)
Water-140 oz

It just doesn't seem to work...

I am a bit frustrated with myself, with my life today. When I signed up with my trainer, Corinne ( http://phitnphat.wordpress.com/), one of the first things she asked was what time I could HONESTLY commit to exercising. I like the way that she asked that because she didn't dictate, but she also wanted me to be realistic. I felt that I was, and I said that I could only commit to the days when I didn't work to workout. That works out to be 4 days a week. Good, right? It is good. I have been doing that for the last 7 weeks, and I have had GREAT results. But, I have also been bitten by the "exercise bug." It makes me feel good and look better. It helps with my stress and gives me a pep in my step on the days I workout. So, I decided that I would try to add an extra day of cardio during the week (on one of the days I work), just so that I can try to capitalize on the feeling. Well, it just doesn't work! I have tried and tried. *sigh* I can't do it in the morning, as I already get up at 5 am, and that's a struggle with a baby who doesn't sleep through the night. So, I have been trying to do it in the evening when I get home. Dinner's usually already done because we do a ton of leftovers during the week. Yesterday AND today, I came home took my clothes off and immediately put my workout clothes on, so I would be ready. But, something always comes up. It's just seems impossible to get 30 minutes to myself to get a quick cardio routine in. I guess I'll have to keep trying. Even if it doesn't happen consistently, it's better than not trying at all, right?

B-WW smoothie, skim milk
S-none
L-salad with deli sliced ham on top, orange, dannon light & fit, kashi go lean crunch
S-grapes, 2 wasa rye crackers, laughing cow cheese
S-unsweetened applesauce
D-chicken breast, black beans, green beans, salad
S-almonds

Target points-31
Actual points-32.5
Water-130 oz
Activity-none

Do I go overboard?

My coworker thinks that I am being too strict on myself. Today, she brought in a big bag of grapes to share with the group. Grapes, harmless right? Yes, in the right portions. I have been doing WW for three months today, but I have to admit that I still need to measure EVERYTHING! I can't eyeball something and tell if it's a cup or a tablespoon. I am just not good at that. So when faced with something that I don't have control over to measure, I just would rather not mess with it. It's easy to snack on grapes and go overboard. And, I don't want to go over my points, especially since it wasn't a workout day. It works for me. It's a bit strict, I have to admit, but maybe once I get more experienced, I won't have to do that. But, isn't better that I know my limitations? I think that it's better to be honest with myself and stay on program than to be lax and notice weight start creeping up.

B-WW smoothie, skim milk
S-dannon light & fit, kashi go lean crunch
L-salad, tuna, orange
S-wasa rye crackers, laughing cow cheese
D-chicken, salsa, salad, green beans
S-unsweetened applesauce, almonds

Target points-31
Actual points-32
Activity-none
Water-120+ 0z

I went hard!

Man, I feel great. I KILLED my workout today. I totally went hard. I had a low reps day, so I decided to up my weights, and it was HARD! I really had to push. I doubled my weights on the bench press, and added 5 lbs to almost everything else. Maybe I've been letting myself off to easy? Now that I know that I can do it, I am going to make sure I'm working to my potential. I am scared for tomorrow though. I am sure that I am going to be really sore.

I was REALLY hungry today. It may be due to the 800 calories I burned during my workout, so I had at least 36 points to work with today (I am going to start eating 32 target points a day instead of 31 and will eat 4 AP's on workout days)! I decided that I was still hungry after 36 so ate another point! I hope that I don't gain this week, but I am sure going to enjoy all the food I can eat. :)

B-oatmeal, skim milk, almonds
S-EAS shake, egg beaters, canadian bacon
L-boca burger, black beans, salad, orange, 2 wasa rye crackers
S-grapes, dannon light & fit, fiber one, kashin go lean crunch bar
D-chicken breast, brown rice, salsa, green beans
S-94 % ff popcorn 100 cal pack, slim a bear ice cream sandwich

Target points-31
Actual points-37
Activity- arms and running (8 AP's)
Water-140 oz

I have to eat more...

I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but I lost too much weight this week. It feels blasphemous to type it. But, I lost 3.6 pounds this week, and with my nursing, it's just too much. So, I have to eat some more points. I need to find a balance between a healthy rate of loss and the amount of calories I take in. I never thought that I would be saying this, but it's true. I am working hard with my trainer, Corinne, to build up some muscles, and I don't want that destroyed by losing to fast. So, I'll be experimenting with eating my activity points and eating an extra point on non -workout days. Hopefully, we'll see a safe loss this week.

On a lighter note, can I say that I looked HOT today! I actually liked the way I looked. I had on a great knit dress (it was snowing here today) with some cute boots, and it looked great. I even got checked out by some guys who were standing outside my work. I can't remember the last time that happened. I love the confidence that I've found. I look forward to many more days when I feel I'm looking good!

B-WW smoothie, skim milk
S-dannon light & fit, kashi go lean crunch
L-grilled chicken, salad, 1/4 cup garlic mashed potatoes, orange
S-grapes, fiber one
D-Lean cuisine sesame stir fry with chicken
S-unsweetened applesauce, 94% ff popcorn 100 cal pack

Target points-31
Actual points-32
Activity-none
Water-130 oz

Back to normal...

Isn't amazing how out of it you can feel when you have guests? My in-laws visit has my house in disarray, and my kids and my schedule completely off. It's going to take at least another week for everyone to get back to normal. I am ready to get back to having a better schedule with my eating, so that I feel more in control when it comes to those temptations. Eating regular small meals has really been immensely helpful when it comes to that. I know that I still had a loss this week, and that I wasn't off plan or anything, but I wasn't on MY program...the way I like to manage my lifestyle.

B-Quaker oatmeal, skim milk
S-EAS shake, 1/2 cup egg beaters, canadian bacon
L-salad, chicken breast, soy crisps
S-almonds, wasa rye crackers
D-shrimp stir fry, 1/2 cup brown rice
S-dannon light & fit, fiber one

Target points-31
Actual points-34
Activity-30 min run + 30 min walk (6 ap's)
Water-130 oz

25 LBS Gone FOREVER!

I had Weigh In today, and I have now lost 26.2 pounds with weight watchers! I have lost 32 pounds total because I had lost some while trying to do WW online. I just love this program. It really works. And, the best part about it is, that I have changed my eating voluntarily. I am doing the flex program on WW which means that you count points for your food, and you only are allotted a certain amount of points per day. You can absolutely eat anything on this program. As long as you are accountable and count the points for it. In the beginning, I did eat absolutely anything...candy bars, french fries, anything. But, as I have gone through the last 13 weeks, I notice more and more core foods that I am eating. It's wonderful. I am eating cleaner, I have a healthier, more active lifestyles, and I look better than I have in the last 6 years!

So, now for some NSV's (non-scale victories). My skinny jeans are now loose! It's amazing. I am so proud of myself. Also, I officially have no work clothes that actually fit. Everything's too big. I had to shopping in my mom's closet this week to get some outfits that fit. And, they were a size small! I haven't seen a size small anything in forever! And then the last thing is that, I have finally been able to look my self in the mirror, and I can actually SEE that I have lost weight. I know that I have a long way to go, but 32 lbs and 18 inches ain't too bad!

It's Friday the 13th!

It's Friday the 13th and the day has been a little crazy. It began when I woke up and had a funny feeling that I should call my mom. When I did, she told me that she had accidentally put her hand in the garbage disposal when it was on (long story)! Thank God, she didn't lose any fingers but was a bit banged up. She didn't want to go to the ER, but I finally convinced her.
Therefore, I didn't get a change to get any breakfast. Once we were done with the ER, I didn't want to just abandon her so we hung out a bit, and I didn't get home and eat something substantial until 5:30 pm. All I had before then was a cup of grapes, and an orange. So, I was not a good planner today. BUT, in my defense it's hard to plan when you have to rush to the hospital. Then, I had to shuttle the in-laws around today. So, I really didn't get a chance to have any me time. Therefore, when DH got home and about an hour after I had eaten something, I was looking forward to working out.
Boy did I suffer. I had been doing badly with my running over the last week, so I was looking forward to getting back on track. About a mile into my run, I had an overwhelming feeling that I would not be able to keep down what I ate (if you know what I mean). I have never felt so sick with exercise. I actually had to go and throw up. That freaked me out. I felt better afterward, but wasn't able to finish my run. I walked the rest of the way. It was really awful.
It's amazing how things can go so wrong when your schedule gets off.

B-none
S-grapes
S-orange
L-shrimp gumbo, 1/2 cup brown rice, celery, 2T hummus
D-boca burger, salad, oo, 2 T salsa

Target points-31
Actual points-32
Activity-cardio 40 mins, abs/core (4 ap's)
Water-130 oz

No one ever said it was going to be easy...

Making a lifestyle change isn't easy...at first. It's a new way of life. It's like learning to walk. Those little baby's keep getting up and stumbling over and over again until they get the hang of it. Eventually, it becomes natural to them. I so believe that that's what's going to happen to me. And I just keep reminding myself of that when I see temptation at every turn. It's so hard sometimes. I may stumble sometimes, but eventually, this lifestyle will be as natural as walking, won't it? I often wonder how long it's going to take before that lovely cupcake doesn't look so appealing, or the greasy fries aren't calling my name. I wonder if I will ever win. Will it always be such a struggle?

B-WW smoothie, skim milk
S-dannon light and fit, kashi go lean crunch
L-shrimp gumbo, brown rice, salad
S-orange, fiber one
S-grapes
D-boca burger, blackbeans, brown rice, cabbage

Target points-31
Points used-30.5
Activity-none
Water-120 oz

OMG, it's a muscle!

I have muscles! I mean I know I have muscles, I wouldn't be able to move without them, but I actually have a defined muscle. Today, I was talking to a coworker about someone we know who got gastric bypass. She was making the comment that their trainer said that he was getting muscle definition. I then proceed to flex my bicep and say "man, I wish I would get some definition". And as I said that, out pops a muscle! I almost fell out of my chair. It was defined and tight. It was a thing of beauty. It made me feel great all day. Even when IL's wanted to get Philly Cheese steaks, I brought them some, and didn't have any at all.

It's the little things that are making this worthwhile. Six weeks into working with my trainer, and I just got the ammunition I needed to keep going. Talk about some positive reinforcement! I can't wait to see what other muscles pop up in the next few weeks! WOOHOO!

B-Weight Watchers Smoothie, skim milk
S-dannon light and fit, kashi go lean crunch
L-salad, shrimp gumbo, orange
S-fiber one cereal, grapes
D-Lean cuisine and cabbage
S-almonds

Target points 31
Actual points 30
Activity none
Water 120 oz

Oooh la, la, Shrimp Gumbo!

I got a shrimp gumbo recipe off of the WW website right after I first joined. It was one of the first meals I had made for the family, and we loved it. It's been in the arsenal ever since. Well, since DH's mother will be cooking all this week, I decided to make some so that I would have some dinner and lunch for a couple of days.

Now, let me say that my MIL's gumbo is out of this world! It's absolutely wonderful with shrimp. crab, and sausage. It was probably the thing that I looked forward to the most about going down south to visit. So, I always call the WW gumbo (it's actually not a WW product, one of the members shared her own recipe) "fake gumbo" because it's not true gumbo. It's just yummy!

Anway, I made that for myself. MIL made red beans and rice for the rest of the family. Well, my stuff smelled so good, that everyone wanted to try the gumbo. MIL and FIL LOVED it! LOL. They couldn't believe that it was low fat. MIL even asked for the recipe! I feel so validated. It was such a wonderful feeling. It really made my day.

B-oatmeal, skim milk
S-EAS shake
L-SBD pizza, celery
S-grapes
D-Salad, shrimp gumbo, orange
S-almonds, milk

Target points-31
Actual points-35
Activity-c25k (kind of), arms (6 AP's)
Water-140 oz

Why am I so scared to speak up?

Why am I still scared to speak up for myself? My in-laws are in town for the week, and my MIL has graciously offered to cook the whole week for us. It was a nice offer, but she doesn't cook WW-friendly. I didn't speak up at all. I didn't offer to cook and I didn't want to let her know that I have started to make positive changes in my lifestyle and wouldn't be partaking of her meals. I worried about this all day at work I didn't want to offend anyone, but I also didn't know how I was going to make it all week eating that food and not gaining weight.

It ended up being no problem. DH championed for me, and he told his mother that I was doing WW and that I wouldn't be able to have any of the meal she made for dinner. I was so happy that he was so supportive. It wasn't even a big deal. I made my separate easy dinner and no one said a word! I should have been more willing to stand up for myself. This is a positive change, and if someone is offended because I want to be healthy...oh well!

B-WW smoothie, skim milk
S-kashi go lean crunch, dannon light and fit
L-salad, salsa chicken, orange
S-grapes
D-tuna salad on veggies
S-94 % ff popcorn, almonds

Target Points- 31
Total Points- 31
Activity-none
Water-140 oz

Holiday Hurdle...

Today was my first major holiday since starting WW. I wanted to just treat it as a regular day, but DH's parents were in town, so we had dinner with some of their family. I knew that this dinner would me everything soaking in butter and grease. I also knew that if I didn't eat at all, I would offend someone. So, I ate a bit before had, had a few snacks in the car waiting for me if I got hungry on the car ride home, and I went for it. All in all, I think I did well. I had a bit of ham, a skinless chicken leg, and a table spoon of rice, mac and cheese, and collard greens (soaking in grease, that's why only a tablespoon). I also ate really slow, so no one noticed that I didn't eat a lot. I feel pretty good about myself. That mac and cheese was really good, but I didn't want to destroy all my efforts. For the first time, I truly believe that this is doable for the long run. I am so glad that I passed this first test.

B-WW smoothie w/skim milk
S-1/2 cup egg beaters, 1 slice canadian bacon, cabbage
S-orange, 1/2 cup fiber one
L-ham, chicken drumstick, collard greens, mac and cheese
S-soy crisps
D-salsa chicken, cabbage, 1/3 cup brown rice

Target points: 31
Points used: 34
Activity: cardio day (4 AP's)
Water: 140 oz

Body image issues...

I never really believed this before I had kids. I used to look at women who would say this and just think they were making excuses. BUT, it's true. The post partum body really just looks awful! I am so scared that I am going to go through all this and I am still just going to look gross! My stomach, which is considerably flatter still has a lot of loose skin, and looks like a deflated balloon. *sigh* I remember the days when I was younger (before kids) and even though I was bigger than I am now, everything was tight. It's hard to explain, but it was just better. I wonder if I will ever just be able to be satisfied with my body. Is it ever going to get better? If it doesn't does that mean that it's not worth it to go through this process, this lifestyle change? It's just such an unknown process. I just can't imagine myself not fat. No disappointed with how I look. That's who I've been for the last 7 years. How in the world is that going to change? Who will I be then? This is just such a scary process sometimes. Losing weight, working out...that's easy compared to all the mental stuff you go through.

B-oatmeal, skim milk
S-orange
L-boca burger, carrots and celery sticks, 2T hummus,
S-grapes, soy crisps
D-chicken breast, salsa, brown rice, salad
S-almonds, skim milk

Target Points-32
Actual points-34.5
Activity-jogging intervals, core/abs (6 ap)
water-120 oz

Sleep wins out...

When you have a sick baby, and you've been working, and you've only gotten 4 hours of sleep in the past two nights, it's really hard to make sure that you have eaten all your points. I did a poor job tonight of getting in all that I needed to and I know that. But, I have found that when I am just exhausted, sleep is going to win EVERY time. I can't function when I'm exhausted. I will make sure to fuel well tomorrow before working out, but I know that my sleep was much more important. I needed that nap after work. It's just as simple as that!

B-kashi go lean crunch, skim milk
S-didn't get one
L-salad with oo and vinegar, ww frozen meal (creamy paremsean chicken), orange
S-dannon light and fit, fiber one
S-unsweetened applesauce
D-hearty stuffed cabbage, green beans

Target points: 32
Actual points: 25
Activity:none
water: 100 oz

My positive impact!

I love the way that when you make and stick to positive changes how it starts to catch on. My DH has now gotten his own set of weights and a weight bench to go in my "home gym" so that he can work out too. At work, I've gotten quite a few of the girls to start bringing salads for their lunch. And today, one of my other coworkers was so impressed with the smell of my salad (or rather my olive oil, vinegar and spices dressing) that she said that she was going to go to the grocery store to buy herself some salad. She also told me that I have inspired her to start working out because she sees the changes that I have made. It's really made me feel so much more positive and proud of what I've been doing. This change is so good for so many reasons and I was just really reminded of that today. :)

B-kashi go lean crunch, skim milk
S-none
L-salad, oo and vinegar, 2 wasa rye crackers, 1 wedge laughing cow, deli-sliced ham
orange
S-dannon light and fit, fiber one
S-kashi TLC granola bar
D-hearty stuffed cabbage, 1 cup green beans, carrots and celery w/hummus (2 tbs)
S-unsweetened applesauce, 94% ff pop corn 100 calorie pack

Target points-32
Points used-32.5
Activity-none
Water-100 oz

The downside of getting fit...

There is a downside to getting fit. You have to keep pushing harder to get the same results. 1 month ago, running for about 20 minutes would get me about 600 calories burned. Now, running for 30 minutes gets me 400 if I really push. I notice that my heart rate is a lot lower now too, so I've had to step it up a bit to get good calorie burn. It's a good reminder that fitness isn't static, it's changing and evolving just as I am changing and evolving through this process. So then I guess there really isn't a "downside". Just the old, lazy me trying to get out I guess.
I told my mom today that today was the first day I was feeling more comfortable in my own skin in as long as I can remember. There wasn't anything special about today, but I just felt more like me. I'm not feeling "puffy" anymore. I've felt puffy for the last 4 years.

B-oatmeal, skim milk
S-1/2 cup egg beaters w/1 tsp of canola oil, 1 slice canadian bacon, plum
L-crab salad, garden salad w/oo and vinegar, 2 wasa rye crackers, 1 wedge laughing cow
S-orange, chocolate milk
D-stuffed cabbage, 1 cup green beans
S-unsweetened applesauce, almonds

Target points: 32
Points used: 35
Activity: arms and c25k (8 AP's)
Water: 140 oz

Why can't we be proud of ourselves????

Why can't I be proud of myself? This came up for me today. It was measurement day today with my trainer. So, I, as well as her other clients, was supposed to track my measurements from last month to now to evaluate the losses. We as a group, and a lot of us individually, did a wonderful job with losing inches this month. Corinne is really proud of us and wants us to share our accomplishments. Now, why is that so hard for me to do? I am so proud of the other women who are making these huge strides, and the little ones. It's so inspirational. Don't I want to be that for someone else? for myself? So, I am making a promise to myself. I am going to share my victories with those who are on this journey with me, and maybe some of those who may want to get there. Because, honestly, if Corinne hadn't shared her victories and her story, I may not be where I am now. :)

B-kashi go lean crunch, skim milk
S-none
L-salsa chicken, salad w/oo and vinegar
S-dannon light and fit, fiber one (1/2 cup), orange
D-herb-stuffed pork chop, snow peas, celery
S-unsweetened applesauce, 94% fat-free popcorn

Target Points-32
Points used-32
Activity-none
Water-130 oz

OUCH!

OW, my knees, HURT! I don't know what I did to myself yesterday, but this morning when I came down the stairs, I buckled a bit from the discomfort. I wasn't expecting it at all. Needless to say, I decided to not run today. I was actually a bit afraid to even try. So, when I woke up, I put my work out clothes on and cleaned the house (it was sorely needed).
It was also very serendipitious. Friends came over for breakfast and to play with the kids. It was my first time being faced with tons of carbs. Bagels and cream cheese! YIKES! However, my thoughtful friends brought me a low carb wrap. It was an egg white wrap, but it still had regular cheese on it. So, I ate it, and I counted points for a fast food egg and cheese sandwich. EIGHT POINTS! Oh well, I was good the rest of the time, so that's all that matters right?

B-egg and cheese wrap, fruit salad
L-salad, 1/2 serving shepherd's pie, orange
S-didn't have one
D-herb stuffed pork chops, snow peas, oo
S-fruit salad, skim milk

Target points-32
Points used-32
Activity-none
Water-120 oz